Blowing Away The Cobwebs!

Blowing Away The Cobwebs!

It’s been months since my last post, a clue to how long it’s been would be my last post’s title,  Why December IS My Favorite Time Of The Year! As you can see, I referenced December. At the time of writing it is now September and no, I’m not referring to the December that fast approaches, I’m talking about the last one, so yeah, quite a few cobwebs and a rather thick layer of dust has built up since my last addition to my blog.

Unfortunately, blogging is only a part time gig for me, my full time occupation is procrastinator, which doesn’t bode well for the regularity of content on my blog. In all seriousness though,  if you’ve read a few of my older posts, you may recollect my telling you   that I suffer from depression. That being said, some times I find it hard to motivate myself to do things, writing blog posts being one of those things.

But I’m here now ! All be it slightly obscured by a cloud of inactivity dust, blown free, upon my return, relinquishing it’s  tight grasp it once had on my blog. It may settle once again in the future, though while we have this imperfect moment of clarity, what should I do with my blog. How about a quick catch up on what I’ve been up to? Yeah, let’s start there.

Diagnosis

After hacking our way through a proverbial forest of red tape, this year, we finally got a diagnosis of Autism for our son. This has enabled us to gain the funding required to ensure he gets the help he needs at school.

He now has a one on one support teacher, that, thankfully, he’s formed a really strong bond with. This has enabled him to spend, a little, more time focusing on the task at hand. With a lot less time battling the things that  you and I, may,  take in our stride. This has been a huge weight off my wife and I’s shoulders and I’m sure, if we were to ask him, my son’s as well.

In Sickness and in health

I’m not sure if I mentioned it in the past, so just in case, I’ll reiterate it now.  We,my wife and I, got married last year, after 12 (or was it 13) years of being engaged (shit, she’s gonna kill me for not knowing that). Since then my wife thought she’d put some of our vows to the test. I could go into some depth on this one but I’ll save you from the gritty detail, in part because it’s not my business to share with the world, it’s my wife’s. Suffice to say, my wife has, and still is, suffering from several health issues that have hit her hard this year (they haven’t stopped her from working like  a demon for our family however, that’s how she rolls)

They have been severe enough to see her hospitalized on several occasions. Even now, she is still attending hospital appointments on a regular basis, in order to undergo outpatient procedures and to take diagnostic tests, all while working 50 hour weeks, I don’t know how she does it, she’s my hero.

On The Hunt

In addition to everything else that’s been going on this year, I’ve been mustering a lot of effort into finding a part time / full time job. In part to try and boost my self esteem and also to help take some of the financial pressure off my wife, that she’s been under (without any complaint) for some time now.

This is another area I could go into some depth talking about, as it’s been very stressful and emotional, though it would come across like a sob story, so I won’t. Needless to say, I’m still technically unemployed, although, the kind people that surround me say, ‘being a parent is a full time job’. So, I guess I’ve found my position for the foreseeable future, and, that position is Daddy.

Hit the reset button

It came to a point that we, as a family, just had to hit the reset button. We needed a break, so we booked a lovely holiday cottage in Scotland, with a touch of luxury and an emphasis on relaxation.This took up one of the weeks since my last post, though I wish it had taken up several more of them.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

WhiteCaneGamer, Gamer, Really?

I have to be honest here, I haven’t been gaming much recently. I’ve found it hard to motivate myself to do anything, including gaming. All my energy has been going into masquerading as a father and a husband, by the time that act is over, I have no energy left for gaming or much else for that matter.

Recently, I’ve been uncovering parts of my former self. Finding time to read a tweet here, watching a YouTube video there and most recent logging into steam to enjoy a few minutes / hours on a game or two.

That’s why I thought now was the right time to let my fingers dance across my keyboard, in an effort to breathe a little life back into my blog. I’ll give my fingers a little moment of rest from dancing, in order to cross them and hope that I can keep it up.

Back To School

Now that the kids have gone back to school, after the summer holidays, I will make a concerted effort to produce more blog posts and be more active on Twitter, you never know, I might even find time to post a YouTube video or make a return to Twitch, who knows. This is not a promise however, as I can’t say which way my mood / motivation will go from day to day.

Ideas?

If you have any ideas for future posts, games I should play, sites I should checkout, I’m open to most suggestions. If you have any, please, feel free to leave a comment below. If you don’t want to do that for whatever reason, you can find me on Twitter or Facebook. I’m more active on Twitter than Facebook but I will read everything you have to say, eventually.

 

Heading Towards Hope!

Heading Towards Hope!

Hello you lot.

I wanted to explain my absence from the blog to you all, in fact, I’ve been trying to do this for a while. I’ve written several blog posts that I just haven’t hit the publish button on, and if I’m honest, I probably never will.

As someone that suffers from depression, I tend to focus on the negatives, maybe more than I should. This gives me a slanted outlook on life, which isn’t necessarily healthy or productive. This, as you might imagine makes it’s way into my writing, at times. Hence why I avoid hitting the publish button, as too much negativity is good for no one, in my opinion.

I tried to work through my depression by writing, talking with trusted friends and having projects to focus on to distract me from myself. If I’m honest it wasn’t really successful. I still had that negative outlook, Wanting desperately to resolve my depression, assuming it can be resolved, I had to change my approach.

So after visiting my GP and asking them for help and advice, in addition to the usual prescriptions that GP’s hand out for such issues, (Prescriptions that I have been on for many years,and on their own, don’t seam to be working) they have now also referred me for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, (CBT).

This therapy will supposedly help me face life, with a more positive outlook. As I have not yet started it, I can not vouch for it’s successfulness. I am willing to give it a try however, as I seriously want to focus on the lighter side of life and give the darkness a break for a while.

Before starting the therapy, I had to visit a mental health assessor. He verified my thoughts of myself, as he told me, ‘after only speaking to you for 15 minutes, I can see you have a negative slant on life’. Probably not the thing a depressed person wants to hear about themselves but he was right. He also said something to me after answering a host of questions. He said ‘you have a light in your life that you hold on to’, meaning my wife and children. Hopefully, this CBT will help me shine light on the rest of my life.

He also touched on the fact that I may be suffering from anxiety that has thus far gone without being diagnosed or recognised. He thinks, and I agree with him that this is due to my visual impairment.

I’m now just waiting for my first appointment to come through as there is a waiting list. I will keep you all up to date. I promise though. Once all this mess is sorted out I will refocus on the reason for me starting this blog in the first place, GAMING! If this all goes well, I may finally be heading toward Hope and away from Despair.

If you suffer from depression, or used to suffer from it and managed to overcome it, I’d love to hear your story. Please, leave a comment below or contact me on FaceBook or Twitter. If you still suffer from depression, don’t suffer alone. If you feel you can, please, contact your GP or medical professional and make the first steps towards getting the help and support you need.